Forbidden Feelings. How Therapy Became the Last Place Left to Breathe in Russia

A couple of years ago, a Russian man deserted the combat zone in Ukraine. During his evacuation, he had seen a therapist. Some time later, he wrote to say he was going back to war. Not because he wanted to fight, or had run out of money, or had bloodlust. In a safe, "normal" world, he had nowhere to grieve and no one to grieve with. Back there, at the front, he would not have to explain himself to anyone. His pain would have a place. Living through his grief turned out to matter more than staying alive.

The author of this book, who, for many years, has worked as a therapist in Russia, has seen dozens of similar cases of unresolved emotions. After the beginning of the full-scale war in Ukraine in 2022, millions of people were left with losses that had no name and no ritual: someone they had lost though still alive, a family split by politics, the loss of home, language, future, and the present itself. Almost overnight, the places where grief could be shared began to disappear or become unsafe: independent media, NGOs, public mourning, kitchen-table conversation, the church, even the fragile rituals of posts and likes. What remained was therapy.

Written by a professional psychologist, this book recognizes and analyzes the hidden pains of millions of Russians by analyzing specific personal cases and talking to people who work with these pains on a daily basis. Based upon extensive clients’ questionnaires, in-depth interviews with specialists and session transcripts cleared for publication, it talks about how fear, shame, guilt, anxiety and loss are processed by contemporary Russians — and how these emotions define the current Russian society. The book offers a unique perspective on a country that has been transformed and scarred by a criminal war launched by the state—and provides tools for acknowledging and coming to terms with the difficult emotions that are necessary to be able to imagine the future.

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